


Angel Of The Morning

by Kappukeki



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cancer, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-21 23:24:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13751391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kappukeki/pseuds/Kappukeki
Summary: Danneel gets some bad news.





	Angel Of The Morning

**Author's Note:**

> This is another piece I did for SPN Angst Bingo on Tumblr.

Danneel was anxious as she sat in the waiting room, preparing to see her doctor. The office had called and said it was urgent that she see him as soon as possible. She was lost in her thoughts when her name was called, the sound reverberating in the silent room. She jumped slightly, then followed the nurse to the triage area to have her vitals taken. She was then led to a room to wait for the doctor. 

So many thoughts were weaving through her mind, but she wouldn’t allow herself to think the worst. She couldn’t. She had a husband and two children at home that depended on her. The weakness, the weight loss, it couldn’t mean what her brain was conjuring. Right? Her hope faded slightly when the doctor entered the room. The somber expression on his face frightened her and she wished she’d asked Gen to accompany her to this appointment.

“Mrs. Winchester, I’m afraid I have some bad news. Your recent bloodwork showed some abnormalities.” He sat down and let that sentence linger for a moment before beginning again. “I’m referring you to an oncologist.” Her heart sunk. An oncologist? Her brain had been right. They were thinking the worst. Cancer. But she couldn’t have that, right? Things had finally settled for her and Dean. They’d been married not too long ago and life was better than ever. Emma and Mikey were growing so fast. The thought of not being able to be there to see them grow into the amazing adults she knew they would be broke her heart.

They spoke for a few more minutes, then she exited the room. She walked down the hall in a daze. It still hadn’t quite sunk in all the way yet. She spoke with the receptionist and made an appointment with the oncologist, then she left to pick up the kids from daycare. She struggled to hold herself together when the children smiled brightly when they saw her. Mikey held up his arms and Dani quickly scooped him up and held him close. The teacher could sense that something was wrong. There was a curious expression on her face, but she didn’t ask any questions. Danneel was grateful for that. She was sure she would lose it right there in front of the children. 

She drove them home and began to prepare dinner. This was Dean’s early day and he’d be home soon. She distracted herself by focusing on the meal and just as it was finished, Dean walked in the door. Her heart broke all over again. How was she supposed to tell him? After all the things they’d gone through together, natural occurrences and otherwise, this was how they were going to be parted? She was determined to fight until she had no strength left in her. She’d be damned if this would take her from her family, from her children, from her Dean. 

He could tell something wasn’t right and when he asked, she told him to wait until the kids were in bed then they would talk. She went through the motions the rest of the night. She smiled when necessary, listening to Emma excitedly tell them about their day at “school”. Once the children were in bed, she silently took Dean’s hand and led him to the kitchen. She sat him down then sat in the chair opposite him. “So I went to the doctor today.” she spoke softly, her eyes cast down at her hands. “My bloodwork was abnormal. I have an appointment with an oncologist.” She wasn’t sure if he knew what that meant, but when her misty eyes lifted to look at him, his pale, shocked expression told her that, in fact, he knew exactly what it was. 

“That is just precautionary or something, right? Just to rule it out and stuff?” His voice was almost pleading with her to give him the answer he wanted to hear. She shook her head, tears now falling freely. “I don’t think so. He was pretty sure that’s what it is. It’s the only thing that explains all the symptoms.” Her sobs came now and Dean quietly stood and walked over to her. His arms wrapped around her and tightened. “We’ll get through this, Dee. We’ve been through bad things before and we’re still here. I got you. We got this.” 

His support meant more to her than she could express. This was going to be a long road and she was grateful that she had him by her side. The next step would be to tell the children. Emma was only four and Mikey barely one. They wouldn’t understand this. All they would know is that Mommy is very sick. “I think I don’t want to tell anyone else until I find out for sure. I don’t even know how to begin to tell the kids.” She sniffled and lifted her puffy eyes to look at him. “I’m scared, Dean.” 

His grip around her tightened more and he kissed her head. “You’ll be ok. You have to be. There’s so much we have left to do together.” The tone of his voice told her he was trying to convince both her and himself of this. She smiled slightly and nodded. “Of course I will. I have Superman on my side, after all.” She leaned in and kissed him sweetly. Their lips lingered together for a moment, then he scooped her up in his arms. “Alright, Lois. What movie would you like to watch?”

After debating on several choices, a movie was chosen and the pair cuddled up on the couch to watch. About halfway through, Dean got up to make snacks. While he was in the kitchen, he called Sam. “Dude. Danneel is sick. Well, the doctors think so anyway. Like, really sick. I don’t know what I’m doing here, man. I can’t lose her.” He knew it wasn’t his to tell, but he needed to tell _someone_ and the only person he wished to admit his fear to was his brother. They talked for a few minutes while the popcorn was cooking, then Sam promised to keep it to himself for now before they hung up. Dean carried a tray with popcorn and sodas back into the living room and gave Danneel a bright smile as he settled back next to her to finish the movie.

The next several weeks were a blur. The oncologist had confirmed the diagnosis and treatment was discussed. Arrangements for a hospital stay where made and Gen had promised to help out Danneel and Dean’s parents in taking care of the children. Dean was capable, but they figured Danneel needed him more and they didn’t want him to worry about the kids. 

The day she was being admitted, she hugged the kids extra tight as they dropped them off at daycare. “Now you guys be good. Mommy loves you very much. I’ll see you soon.” She flashed them a bright smile but as she turned to walk out of the room, tears began streaming down her cheeks. It would be quite some time before she was able to see them and this pained her more than she could express. There had been only once in Emma’s whole life that she’d been away from Danneel for more than a day. Mikey had never been away from her besides an overnight stay with Sam and Gen or his grandparents. “They will be ok. You know they are in good hands.” Dean stated as he gripped her hand tight. “I know. But I want them in _my_ hands.” she responded.

The drive to the hospital was made in silence and when they arrived, Dean got her bag from the back of the Impala then scurried to take her hand as she exited the car. She’d already filled out the registration papers, so the admission process went rather quickly and soon they were led up to her room. The treatment would begin in just a few hours and she was anxious. Dean sat silently next to her, his hand fidgeting with her fingers as they waited. There was so much she wanted to say to him but didn’t even know where to begin.

When it was time, a nurse came to the room to collect her and bring her to the treatment room. Before helping to get her into a wheelchair, Dean placed his hands on her face and gazed into her eyes. “You got this. I love you.” His lips pressed softly to hers, then he stood beside the chair and waited for the nurse. After checking that everything was in order, she pushed the wheelchair through the halls until they reached their destination. Dean never left the outside of the room. He wanted to be the first face she saw when she came out of the room. He knew she would wake. She had to.

The wait was torturous but after a while, a doctor came out to update him. The treatment had gone well, but she would be nauseous, weak and in pain. Dean didn’t speak a word, simply nodded at the man and walked back up to her room when he was instructed to wait there. When he arrived back in the room, he was surprised to see John and Sam standing there. The men stared at each other for a moment before John closed the distance and wrapped his arms around his eldest son. Sam joined in and the elder and youngest Winchester tried to pass on comfort to Dean. 

She’d had to stay in the hospital for several days and it was torture. She missed the kids, missed her family. Several had come to visit, but who she really wanted to see, besides the children, was her brother. Gino had a cold, though, and was unable to be around her for the time being. The second Emma had walked into the house, she ran straight for Danneel, who was sitting at the kitchen table in the wheelchair Dean had purchased for her return home. The girl’s tiny body slamming into Danneel was painful, but she sucked it up and just held her daughter close for the first time in days. 

Dean brought Mikey over to her and grinned. “You got a load of being drooled on to catch up on, Mommy.” He helped her to hold the toddler in her arms, as she was still quite weakened. They sat there listening to Emma catch Dani up on everything that had happened at school, including a boy who had asked her to get ice cream with him. “Oh boy! Your first date! We’ll have to get a pretty new dress for you to wear for it!” Dean chuckled dryly behind her. He wasn’t sure that his wife would be up for shopping for a while but if he had to take her himself, Emma would have that new dress.

After a few more days, her strength began to return a little. Almost as quick as it came, it was gone again as it was time for another round of treatment. The post-chemo tests this time, however, showed that the cancer was spreading and a different mix of medications was discussed. This next round would be heavy. She would need to remain in the hospital. Dean knew she was scared, but even he didn’t quite comprehend the fear that filled her. She didn’t want to leave him. She didn’t want to leave her family, her friends, and most of all, she didn’t want to leave her children without a mother.

She took it all in stride. Her acting skills came in pretty handy in hiding her fears, but those that knew her best knew she wasn’t really so nonchalant about it. They were happy, though, that she still had the strength to crack jokes on occasion. This time when she arrived back home, there was a party waiting for her. Gino was there and her eyes fell upon her baby brother immediately. A wide smile appeared on her face and he rushed over to hug her gently.

Over the next several months, she had a couple more rounds and many checkups. It seemed that things were going well, that she’d beat it. Then at the six month mark, the oncologist had bad news. “Your MRI the other day showed us a new tumor.” He paused for a moment, his face looking grim. Dean, who had insisted in attending the appointment with her, spoke up. “So that means more chemo? For how long?” The doctor swallowed and shook his head slightly. “This one is in the brain. In  a place we can’t get to. I’m sorry. We can set up hospice services for you if you’d like. They will be able to keep you comfortable.”

His words hadn’t quite sunk into her mind, but when she glanced over and saw Dean sitting next to her sobbing silently, it hit her. That was it. There was nothing more they could do for her. She was going to die. Her children would be without a mother, her husband a widower. They somberly walked out to the car and Danneel’s brain tried to process the task of facing her mortality. 

This wasn’t a monster that could be defeated, a curse that could be broken. There was no angel to heal her. Cas had given up her grace to live a human life with Charlie. There was no way out of this. But she was determined to make the best of whatever time she had left. They sat in the car for a moment and she wondered if Dean was in any condition to drive. She waited for him to start the engine, but instead, he turned to her and took her hands in his. “I know there isn’t much I can do to help you. That kills me so much. But I promise you that I will be right here, the whole time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Family and friends were told the grim news, each showing their sympathy and support. Dean, with Sam’s help, planned a vacation to Disney World. The children didn’t understand what was going on and the couple were still trying to figure out how to explain it to them. He wanted them to have one really big happy memory with her before she was unable to provide that. Though she needed to rest several times as they walked through the land of magic, the trip was successful and they all had fun. 

Dean cooked her favorite foods or ordered them from nearby restaurants. He paid close attention to the things that the doctor had said could make her symptoms worse and avoided those foods, though some of them were among her favorites. He knew his cooking wasn’t nearly as good as hers, but it wasn’t too bad. The kids enjoyed it. He realized he’d have to be doing all the cooking after she was gone and, in the course of preparing dinner, the elder brother stood in the kitchen and sobbed for several moments. He’d recovered before his family entered the room and was glad he could pull himself together. It was already hard enough on Danneel. She didn’t need to see him break down. She needed him to be her strength.

Dean hated the day they went to the funeral home to make arrangements for her service. It made it even more real. Danneel picked out verses she wanted spoken, songs she wanted played. She handed the funeral director an envelope to be read as well. Dean was curious, but didn’t ask what the letter contained. 

He hated that she’d accepted this fate. She shouldn’t have to be dealing with this. The kids needed their mother, he needed his wife. After all he, Sam and John had done for this world, this is how it repaid him? By taking away his soulmate when things were finally going well? He was angry, sad, frustrated, but he shoved those feelings down until those moments he was alone. The shower was a good place for him to vent.

A year and two weeks after she’d first been diagnosed, Dean woke to the distinct smell of Danneel baking in the kitchen. He smiled and shook his head. She was always so independent and feisty. She wouldn’t go down without a fight. He looked over at the clock and saw that it was only five o’clock. His brow wrinkled and he sat up. Before he could climb out of bed, Emma came rushing into the room in a panic. “Daddy! Mommy fell down! She’s sleeping on the kitchen floor! She made you a pie in the middle of the night!” 

Dean charged out of the room and down the hall, his body whipping into the kitchen then stopping short. The sight before him would haunt him forever. Mikey was on the floor, crying loudly as he crawled around on Danneel’s lifeless form, trying to get her attention. Dean fell to his knees and sobbed. Emma was terrified and ran next door to her grandparents’ house. She banged on the door until John answered, Miranda close behind him. The small girl’s entire body was trembling as she told them what happened. “Papa! Mommy made Daddy a pie in the middle of the night and she fell and she’s sleeping on the kitchen floor! Daddy and Monkey are crying a lot lot!” she stuttered out through her sobs.

John ran over to the house and entered the kitchen. He saw his elder son holding his young son close and rocking back and forth. As he drew closer, he could hear Dean muttering. “She’s not dead. She can’t be. This can’t be it. She can’t be gone.” John knelt beside his son and attempted to take the baby from him. Dean held the boy closer. “No! He needs me, dad. They need me. Where’s Emma?” John’s shaky voice told Dean that Emma was next door with Miranda. “We…” John’s voice broke and he cleared his throat. “We should call the police, Dean. They’ll need to come get her.”

Moments later, Sam strode quickly into the room and rushed to his brother’s side. With John’s help, they were able to get Dean to his feet and Sam took Mikey in his arms. The tall man attempted to calm his nephew down, but it was to no avail. The child knew something wasn’t right. Dean walked over to the counter where the last pie Danneel cooked for him lay cooling. Another round of sobs emitted from him.

The early morning silence was soon pierced with the wails of police, rescue and fire sirens. Sam walked next door to his parents’ house and dropped Mikey off. Emma had cried herself back to sleep on the couch and Gen was there with the boys. Sam rushed to his wife and held her tight as she sobbed against his chest. “This sucks, Sam. They just got the house, things were going good for them. Why do things like this happen to good people?” Sam’s eyes filled with tears and he simply held his wife closer, not having an answer for her.

The next few days, Dean wandered around in a haze. Danneel’s family had come to Kansas for the service and people were taking turns caring for the children. Dean didn’t know what to say to them. The night before the service, Emma quietly entered Dean’s room and climbed up on the bed next to him. “Daddy, when can Mommy come back? You comed back after you died. It was a really really long time! They will let Mommy come back quick though right?” Dean held his daughter tight and took a deep breath. “No, Princess. Mommy can’t come back. She was very sick and the doctors couldn’t help her so the angels took her to heaven where she won’t be sick anymore. Don’t you worry, though. You carry all her love for you right here.” He smiled slightly and placed his hand over her heart. “Mommy will live forever in your heart, and in Mikey’s. And mine.” His voice cracked at these last words and he swallowed thickly before telling her she could sleep in there with him that night. 

The next morning, he woke early and made breakfast for the kids. Gino had stayed the night, but Dean needed to do this. He needed for things to be as normal as possible for the kids. After everyone was full and the table cleared, they began to get dressed. Danneel’s parents came over to help get the kids ready. Dean showered and put on the tux he’d worn to the wedding. Danneel had said it made him look “extra dashing”. He smiled at this memory but it also caused another pang in his chest. He found it difficult to breathe as he tried to keep himself together. 

The service was beautiful, of course. Danneel had planned it herself. Just before the minister concluded, he pulled out the envelope Danneel had given to him. “If I could have your attention for a few moments longer. Danneel gave me this to read here today.” He opened the envelope and took out the paper. The large crowd took notice that his eyes grew misty before he cleared his throat and began to read.

  
  


_ “Hey, guys. Well, if you’re hearing this, then I’m not here anymore. I’m so sorry. I wanted to be there to see the kids graduate, see them fall in love and get married, give me and Dean beautiful grandchildren. I am so very sorry I will miss all that. But I know that they have so many people that will look after them. Mom, Dad, I love you. Thank you for your neverending support you gave me throughout my life. Gino, you’re the best brother anyone could ever ask for. There isn’t anyone I would have rather had having my six while we were growing up than you. It was my pleasure to watch you grow into the amazing man you are today. Don’t forget to tell my future nieces and/or nephews that I love them even though I never got a chance to meet them.  _

_Gen, you are an amazing woman and I have been so proud to call you my best friend for so many years. Your wisdom and guidance has helped me through so many things. Your beautiful children are so very lucky to call you mom. Sam, you are also so very wise and I thank you for all those times you talked me out of doing something stupid. And even those times when you still loved me even though I did the stupid thing. To everyone else, I am sorry I didn’t call you out by name, but I hope that you know how much your love and friendship has meant to me. I will miss you all greatly._

_ To my Mini Wheat. Emma Rose, Mommy loves you so very much and I am sorry I have to go. I will miss you telling me all about your day at school and having princess days with you. Remember, you might not be able to see me, but you can still talk to me. I will hear you. Don’t let this world turn you cold, my sweet girl. You are a beautiful soul and you have brought me so much happiness. Don’t ever change.  _

_Monkey. Mommy loves you so much. My special little prince, you are destined for great things. I know it. I also know that, though you are young and probably won’t remember me, there will be plenty of people that will remind you how important you are to me._

_And to my Dean.Thank you for...everything. The good and the bad. I always knew that even when times got bad, if you were on my side, I could do anything in the world. Thank you for giving me our two precious babies and showing me a life and love beyond anything I could ever imagine. I know you and I know my absence will be difficult for you, but please don’t ever give up. If there ever comes a time when you feel like giving up, remember me. Fight, if not for yourself or the children, fight for me. The world is much better with you in it. Trust me. Take good care of our babies. Don’t let them eat too much pie. You know Mikey will puke and Emma will get a tummy ache. Tell Zeke and Max that I love them and I will miss them. And don’t forget to get them the GOOD food, not that cheap crap. I love you, Superman. To infinity and beyond. All my love forever, Lois._

 


End file.
